literature

Insane Twilighters: YOU SUCK

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Believe it.
I’m sick of the hype over some book/stupid movie. I’m even more pissed off at the annoying people who worship it and make everyone’s life hell.   
But why you ask?
Well…

1. You’re in love with Edward/Jasper/Emmet/Jacob.

Ignore the fact that they are completely 100% fictional. But, hey love knows no boundaries right? And you certainly make sure that everyone on Gods green fucking earth is aware of the fact that OMG I <3<3 EDWARD CULLEN! Sure you can say that you’re showing your support for one of your favorite fiction characters. But there is a difference between support and obsession. Obsession is scary, makes everyone question your sanity, and will ultimately lead to you living the rest of your life alone. Or possibly in a mental hospital. It would all depend on how nice the people surrounding you are.

2. You talk about it all the time like somebody actually gives a shit.

Newsflash! I did not- I repeat did NOT- ask for a blow by blow analyses of every chapter in the 600 something page book. I don’t care about every retarded ass thing Edward said to Bella and why he did what he did. I don’t care how his concern for her eventually grew into this earth shattering love, taking over the world in the process.
No. What I’m concerned about is the fact that you actually think I want to hear all this. People who live in the real world really. Just. Don’t. Care.

3. Your obsession compels you to write shitty fan fics.

I have nothing against fan fics really. But when you’re basically re-writing the book on a whole new level of suckish then yeah I’m gonna complain. First of all, you take it upon yourself to desecrate the English language. <3 ^__^ XD. Those do not belong in writing. That is internet lingo for people who are too lazy to actually type it out.
And why!?? Heaven oh mercy WHY?! Do you insist on making 60 chapter fan fics of complete and utter crap?! Most normal books are not even 60 chapters long! Seriously it just goes to prove that you have no life.
And don’t get me started on the JacobXEdward yaoi fan fics.
Just.
Don’t.

4. Your obsession compels you to write shitty vampire stories.

Because of fellow insane twilighters complimenting your shitty fan fics telling how freakin awesome you are- somewhere in the hollow shell of your mind you think that can actually WRITE.
So then you come up with a very un-original vampire story, featuring the same ‘gorgeous vampire’ and the same whining Mary Sue that just ‘happens’ to catch his attention. Once again grammar/spelling/originality does not apply to you. Personally, I think its amazing that you can manage to write a whole story with absolutely no plot and character development. Kudos to you for ruining literature.

5. You comment on anything and everything vampire related.

OMG ITS JUST LIKE TWILIGHT!
That is not something a writer wants to hear about their story. A writer does NOT want to be told that they are writing just like another author. Which in most cases isn’t true. Example; I could be writing something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with vampires. There could be absolutely NO romance. And yet somehow it manages to remind you of twilight? Where does that make sense? It’s like you look for the twilight colored rainbow in every story. Oh and if there actually are vampires? Prepare for all caps and some fan girl screaming to make me regret ever writing the damn thing in the first place.

6. You flame anything and everything vampire related.

I hate to be the one to tell you this but…Stephenie Meyer did not create the idea of vampires. Shocking as it may seem, it is possible to write something about vampires and not be copying after Stephenie Meyer. So comments such as “omg you stole that from Stephenie you suck go kill yourself.” are just not acceptable. See, unlike you I am not just changing names and passing it off as a novel. I create characters, make plots. Ya know? The things writers do?

7. You make real vampire lovers feel dirty.

I don’t know where this whole vampire fad thing came from. But to the die hard vampire lovers who have obsessed over them since way before twilight, its insulting. Before twilight people who liked vampire were freaks- and damn proud of it. Now it’s the newest fad to like vampires, so we must all endure the annoying little tweens who walk around thinking they’re cool ‘cuz they like vampires. Whenever I pass a group of these annoying little brats I want to choke each and everyone of them. They have no idea how much their lives were endanger.
It’s no longer fun for us when preppy annoying little tween fan girls are obsessing over vampires. It totally sucks (yes that pun was intended) the coolness RIGHT out of it.

8. You start randomly freaking out in public when you see anything twilight related.

OMG ITS EDWARD OMG HES SO HOT!
Uh…yeah.
Thanks I didn't need my ear drums for anything important anyways.
So please in the future refrain from screaming in my ear when you see ugly smoosh faced Robert Patterson’s ugly smooshed face plastered on something retarded like a piece of chocolate.

9. You think vampires sparkle.

…Vampires are blood sucking demons living for the exact purpose of draining souls from bodies. Where does spark/ing make sense in any of that? I have no fucking idea. All I know is that you are an idiot for thinking a sparkling vampire is cool.
That’s all I have to say.

10. You act like the twilight series are the only books in existence.

“So what do you like to do for fun?”
“Oh, I totally like to read!”
“Hey! Me too! What do you like to read.”
“The Twilight series!”
“…”
You mean to tell me out of all the billions and billions of books in the world, you only read the same four books over and over again? Come on! Even Harry Potter freaks aren’t THAT scary. Now that I think about it the twilighters put the potter freaks to shame. They take the potter freaks and rip them into tiny pieces, chew them up, spit them out. On a level of scary twilighters score pretty high.
Pick up a different book once in a while for Christ’s sake. Reading the same books repeatedly over and over again does not qualify as a reader. Just an obsessed scary loser who has way to much time on their hands and no brain cells to rub together.

So basically what this all comes down to is you can throw twilight in the pile of shit that I wish would just go away. I’m sure it will keep Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers company.
Well I'm sick of it.
Twilight mania that has taken over the world.
Twilight and all its little obsessed freaks can all go die.
I have been flamed for the last god damned fucking time.
It's my turn bitches.

You think I'm being mean? I dont give a damn. It's my opinion and I can do with it what I will.

I'm being hateful? Cry about it. That once again falls into the catagory of I DONT CARE.

You wanna leave me a long bitching comment? I say bring it on.

This is for laughs but I'm also being dead serious. You wanna butt heads with me you go right on ahead.
And dont even think for half a second that leaving a stupid comment telling me all about the wonderfullness of twilight will change my mind.
It wont.
Have a nice day.
© 2009 - 2024 Harlequinbeautie
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Honestly, about the only good thing you can say about The Twilight Saga is that if there were glaring spelling or grammar issues, they'd have been mentioned by the bashers. It's bad, but there are worse; you can read The Twilight Saga (you poor sap) and once you're done, you'll have a pretty good idea of what you just read. Look up "Finnegan's Wake" for an example of a book where that isn't true at all.